THE NEED FOR MUTUAL RESPECT IN YOUTH BASKETBALL IS A SLAM DUNK

I tend to be loud from the bench. I holler at and for my kids to teach them, remind, encourage, etc. I am not rude or belligerent. I do not allow my players to confront the refs, or to yell at them from the bench--it is my job to talk to the refs as their proponent.

As a female youth basketball coach, I'm admittedly in the minority. Apparently, my voice, at times, stands out above the 5 male coaches hollering at the same time in our local basketball game complex. My mom warned me when I began coaching my son's team several years ago, that men may not appreciate a woman in their midst. I threw back my head and laughed. After all, I'm the product of the Title IX generation, the NOW generation, the I-am-woman-hear-me-roar generation. I served in the bowels of the good-ol-boy club--the US Army--and not only survived, but succeeded, out-performing a majority of male soldiers in many tasks. Now we're talking youth sports--how could antagonism towards women be alive and well in the 21st century? I seriously thought Mom was out of touch.That was about 5 years ago.

I do not claim to be the strongest coach or the best strategist. Fundamentals and defense are my forte--I'm continually learning to gauge, run, and teach better offense.

I was MVP for my high school team, though that was in a school of 400. I did not play in college--tried out for volleyball and didn't make the team, so I was too dejected to try out for basketball. When my son began playing basketball in Georgia, I couldn't help noticing most coaches ignore fundamentals, choosing to scrimmage all practice and highlight star players. Consistent defenders who are not showboats, like my son, tended to get overlooked. I was driven to change the way his teams were coached. I helped out as an assistant for that season when he was about 7.

Then, though I've never played a real soccer game, I coached my daughter's 5 and under soccer team in Georgia--fundamentals are fundamentals, regardless the game.

When I was hired to teach full time, I became head coach for a varsity girls team in a small Georgia Christian school. It consisted of mostly 7th and 8th graders; skills were low, but we improved so much over the season, I had parents and coaches from the other teams compliment us in surprise. When we moved back to Oregon, I coached my son's 5/6th grade youth team. One of my most humbling life moments was when a mother approached me in tears, thanking me for changing her reticent, unmotivated son from a kid who was "forced" to play, to a highly motivated basketball player who couldn't wait to play the next year. What is more important than that, when all is said and done?

I'm now coaching my daughter's youth basketball team--last year 6th grade, now 7th.

I have a deep passion for the game, and my goal is to impart that passion to kids, so they'll want to play again. Improvement in fundamentals as a team is more important, in my opinion, than showboating individual players. Learning to focus, to never quit, listening and following instructions, teamwork, learning game aggression within the appropriate context, increasing  confidence and skills are priceless lessons.

In our league, my team is in the lower skilled bracket. I'll skip over the inane team selection process for now--I'm working to swallow that particular bitter pill. I'm focused on coaching my girls to become the best team in our bracket. It's proving a tough assignment, with 1 win, 4 losses. We'll have a winning season, in my opinion, if we can get every girl scoring and every girl improving. Ok, yes, I'd like to win a couple more games, too.

So all this leads up to what's really on my mind: apparent sexism or, at the very least, blatant rudeness, disrespect, and  inability from a few male coaches and male referees. It's not that I'm just a naive chick in over my head.

I dislike when writers quote dictionary definitions, but it feels apropos here. Wordnet says a sports referee is the chief official (as in boxing or American football) who is expected to ensure fair play. Dictionary.com says a referee is (in certain games and sports) a judge having functions fixed by the rules of the game or sport. It so happens that the league I coach for has a set of rules that cover the minutes of each game, substitution rules, fair play time, clock stoppage, appropriate defenses for age groups, etc. It seems, though, that these rules are of no consequence to the refs employed to regulate our games.

My opinion is that whoever is in charge of training and assigning the refs blatantly refuses to train them and hold them accountable for knowing the rules. The rules change among age groups, as well as among city leagues. This does not excuse them from knowing the rules of the leagues and teams they choose to referee.

I know it's "only" youth basketball. But the excuses I've heard for not following the rules are pathetic.

1. When I pointed out we are to play 24 minute halves, rather than 20 minute halves, I was told by the ref, "ah, well, it's only kids." We lost by a few points just after we began to pick up the pace--who knows what those missing 4 minutes might have given us.

2. Over and over I'm ignored when I point out that we're on a running clock until the last two minutes of the game. I have been told several times that if one team is winning by 15, that rule does not apply. So far I've found nothing in my rule book or on the league's website to back up that supposed ruling. Stopping in the last 2 minutes creates a less frantic, more measured close to the game. I've now requested that my parent volunteer automatically stop the clock. This works much better than trying to discuss rules with the refs.

3. At a recent game, I pointed out to the refs my guard was being fouled--(when the defender was on my side away from the refs' vision) the defender was punching at my ballhandler's gut and lower back. My girls were also hit and pushed under the basket a lot. I told one ref they were getting pounded. He laughed and said with a sneer, "No, they're not!" When I told him about the punching, he sneered at me, rolled his eyes, and told me to "Be quiet and sit down." Please note that the other coach was doing just as much talking from the bench, but he was never disrespected by the refs. I said nothing rude, nothing personal, nothing but pointing out repeated fouls--my job to protect my girls.

At halftime, I approached the dark haired ref and said quietly, "Please, do not ever tell me to sit down again." Note I was off the court, even behind my bench, standing b/c I have back problems and because I prefer to stand during games--at no time did I approach the floor or interfere in any way. I felt very disregarded and singled out, and my immediate intuition was that this had more to do with my being female than with anything I'd said or done.

 
He got in my face, puffed himself up, laughed and sneered, and loudly exclaimed, "I'm a ref, I'll tell you to sit down any time I want to."

I told him quietly that it is my right and expectation to protect my girls and point out fouls that are repeatedly missed. 

He fumed about how dare I question his ability to do his job and kept repeating that I'd asked him to call a fair game. I explained that I wasn't questioning his ability, I was helping him keep the game safe and fair for all players.

The other ref told me he agreed with the ref I was speaking to, because he was "sick of hearing my voice."

4. At our last game which, by the way, was called fairly and justly, led by a different ref and assisted by the one who told me he was sick of my voice, I had no problems until the 4th quarter. I couldn't figure out why our offense was struggling so much, until I realized the other team was playing a zone defense, which is forbidden in our bracket. I called a time out, asked the refs to check the zone, as it is illegal. The answer I got? "Nobody is playing anyone, don't worry about it." Um...hmm...isn't that kind of the definition of a zone defense? Did that not make my case? When I pointed out rules are rules, he said rules are rules, but nobody follows them. And I'm nobody? It would be a heck of a lot easier for me to have my girls in a zone, but I don't do it. It's ILLEGAL. For the record, the other coach told me after the game it was unintentional--the girls were lost. I don't know if that's true or not--seemed to me they all stood in the key,  even though my girls were playing a high give-and-go offense at the top of the 3 pt line. I respect, him, though, for being honest and kind. It's my bad, really, for not noticing earlier what was going on and switching offense to a zone screen too late. But isn't that the job of the officials?

Bottom line: It doesn't matter if the refs don't like the way I look, the way I sound, the way I coach--there must be mutual respect and professionalism as we are mentors for these kids. I suppose because I'm loud and female, my voice might bother the refs. But if I'm treated differently than male coaches simply because I'm female, if I am disrespected as an individual, if my girls are being hurt and fouled without recrimination on the court, the behavior of these refs is inexcusable. They must know the rules, enforce the rules, and make the safety of all players their top priority. I am also a parent, paying these refs to do their job, volunteering my time. I should not be exposed to rudeness and immaturity.